Just Plain Vows

I do not favor custom marriage vows, and I think ministers everywhere should discourage them. Instead, I believe there is something to be said for out-of-the-box, boilerplate vows recited by every couple. It may seem like a small thing to have an opinion about, but this is something I’d like you to give some thought to also.

Most couples probably don’t remember their vows. Imagine if you and I took a walk through town and stopped to survey each married couple we met. We’d ask them, “What were your marriage vows?” And, “Can you recite them, now?” Then we’d all get a chuckle at the odd moment of silence.

“Ok, McCollough, I get it, but who cares?” you say. Well, let’s consider this question: what is it that forms a family? Is it cuddling, kissing, holding hands, or intimacy? No. Those things make close acquaintances, but promises create new families. In the presence of many witnesses, two people make promises to each other. Promises to love, care for, and remain faithful “as long as we both shall live.” That promise makes a family.

In Proverbs 20:6, we read, “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?” There are plenty Cyranos and Romeos in the world. There are plenty of men and women who will declare their love for one another, who will exchange cards at all the right times, and even post an annual loving boast or two for the world of Facebook to read.

But few exhibit lifelong commitment. Those vows you made at the wedding ceremony, before God and all your hand-selected witnesses, are quickly forgotten. Sadly, many cannot make it past the first sign of difficulty: a financial trough or a bad medical diagnosis. You might be surprised to learn the number of marriages that fail when a child is diagnosed with cancer. Cancer doesn’t end the marriage, but it reveals the sand upon which the couple built that marriage.

Therefore, I advocate a return to boilerplate marriage vows. Every time a couple is married in the church of Jesus Christ, every couple sitting as a witness should be reminded of the vows they took! Hearing those vows, they should remember their promise, not to each other, but to God.

And, remember that faithfulness is not primarily to a particular individual at a specific time when they please us. When you promise to marry someone, you are making a promise to God. You promise to remain committed to that person even if they disappoint you, are fired from a job, or even fail sinfully. You are promising to God, who said, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5).